Difference between love & romance?

There are differences between men and women in their approach to love and relationships. True intimacy can be very different to "romantic love". "Romantic love" is sold to young women in many ways such as magazines, television, books and the internet. "Romantic love" can put sex before safety.

For young women "romantic love" may mean:

"Falling in love" just happens it is not in our control
We are seen as a better, more complete person if we have a partner
It's good to put your partner's needs before your own
Jealousy and bad behaviour are okay
Jealousy shows your partner really cares about you
If we love a partner we must trust and believe in them unconditionally

These ideas may encourage you to excuse bad behaviour instead of taking it as a warning sign and backing out of a relationship before you are too attached. One example of how we may excuse bad behaviour is: Excusing your partner's pressure to not wear a condom because that may mean you don't trust or love him enough.

For young men ideas of "romantic love" may mean:

I am the most important person in a romantic relationship
My ideas are usually the right ideas
I deserve unconditional love and support
I deserve my partner's trust, despite bad behaviour in the past
My needs are more important to my partner than her friends' needs
If I feel hurt and jealous I may not be able to stop myself hurting my partner
Jealousy is a normal part of a lot of relationships, not always something men can control

These ideas may have young men excusing some very unfair and hurtful behaviour that could lead on to a pattern of established abuse.